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Bistromathic Drive
The Bistromathic Drive is a starship propulsion system introduced in Life, the Universe and Everything, the third book of the series.
The Bistromathic Drive is used in Slartibartfast's craft Starship Bistromath and works by exploiting the irrational mathematics that apply to numbers on a waiter's cheque pad and groups of people in restaurants. Life, the Universe and Everything describes bistromathics as follows:
| “ | Bistromathics itself is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behaviour of numbers. Just as Albert Einstein's general relativity theory observed that space was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in time, and that time was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in space, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants. | ” |
Further explanation of the theory behind bistromathics:
| “ | The first nonabsolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has shown up.
The second nonabsolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of those most bizarre mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many branches of mathematics, including statistics and accountancy, and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Else's Problem field. The third and most mysterious piece of nonabsoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.) |
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The bridge instruments of the Starship Bistromath are ensconced in fake wine bottles.
The central computational area is a fake Italian restaurant table with seating for twelve encased in a glass cage. The table is decked with a faded red and white check tablecloth with mathematically positioned cigarette burns. A group of robot customers sit round the table, attended by robot waiters.
The mathematics play themselves out in the complex interplay between continuously circulating keys, menus, watches, cheque books, credit cards, bill pads and scribblings on paper napkins.
"On a waiter's bill pad," explains Slartibartfast, "numbers dance. Reality and unreality collide on such a fundamental level that each becomes the other and anything is possible."
Should the ship's captain sit at the table, the mathematical functions speed up; the customers become more vociferous and wave at each other. Eventually, the equation balances, and the customers become polite and civil once more. The more heated the argument, the more complex the equation, and the farther the ship may travel.
Effectively, the ship takes advantage of the strange rules that only restaurants operate under by turning itself into a controlled, artificial restaurant. This allows a ship equipped with a bistromathic drive to accomplish feats quite outside the normal capabilities of spacecraft, such as traveling two thirds across the galactic disk in a matter of seconds. The drive is notably more controllable than the Infinite Improbability Drive.
Heart of Gold
S.S. Heart of Gold is the first prototype ship to successfully utilize the revolutionary Infinite Improbability Drive. It is 150 meters long and has been represented in various shapes, all of them "perfectly white and beautiful"[1]. The original radio series did not specify a shape. In the novel adapted from the first four episodes of the radio series, it was described as a sleek white running shoe, which the TV adaptation adopted as a basis for its depictions. Finally, in the recent 2005 movie, it is more spherical with a hole and red brakelights on the rear that form the shape of a heart, a shape derived from a teacup in the brownian motion producer that powers the Infinite Improbability Drive. It also features a mural around the hole which depicts the invention of the Drive. It was built as a secret government project on planet Damogran from where Zaphod Beeblebrox, the then-President of the Imperial Galactic Government, stole it at the launching ceremony.
The ship's cybernetics consist of a new generation of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation robots and computers (including Eddie the shipboard computer and Marvin) with the new Genuine People Personalities (GPP) feature.
In Life, the Universe and Everything, it is revealed that the core of the Improbability Drive is actually the Golden Bail of Prosperity, one of five items that forms the Wikkit Gate. The drive is subsequently stolen by the robots of Krikkit, but is later recovered by Zaphod Beeblebrox and reinstalled.
Infinite Improbability Drive
The Infinite Improbability Drive is a fictional faster-than-light drive. The most prominent usage of the drive is in the starship Heart of Gold. The value of Improbability is 2279460347:1 against. It is based on a particular perception of quantum theory: a subatomic particle is most likely to be in a particular place, such as near the nucleus of an atom, but there is also a small probability of it being found very far from its point of origin (for example close to a distant star). Thus, a body could travel from place to place without passing through the intervening space (or hyperspace, for that matter), if you had sufficient control of probability.[2].
The Heart of Gold was the prototype ship for infinitely improbable travel. The principle is that as its drive reaches infinite improbability, the ship passes simultaneously through every conceivable and non-conceivable point in every conceivable and non-conceivable universe (in other words, when one activates the Infinite Improbability Drive, the ship is literally everywhere at once). It is then possible to decide at which point you actually want to be when improbability levels decrease.
It is the infinite improbability drive in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that saves Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect from certain death by asphyxiation in deep space after being thrown out of the Vogon ship; the improbable odds against being rescued being two raised to the power of the Islington (London) flat phone number where Arthur had met Tricia McMillan, aka Trillian, who is aboard the Heart of Gold with Zaphod Beeblebrox. Incidentally, Adams explained in the annotated volume of the original radio scripts that it was the eviction of Arthur and Ford out the spacelock of the Vogon ship that led to his own "invention" of the Infinite Improbability Drive. Adams realized that he had worked the story into a dead end, thinking in frustration that the only solutions would be "infinitely improbable." In a flash of insight and what Adams called "mental jujitsu", the Infinite Improbability Drive was born.
In the third book, the Infinite Improbability Drive is discovered to be the Golden Bail of Prosperity in the Wikkit Gate. It is stolen by the white Krikkit robots, however, it was returned and the Heart of Gold returned to operational status.
An earlier attempt at using the improbability drive, Starship Titanic, was also mentioned. In theory, the infinite improbability drive would make it infinitely improbable that anything would go wrong. It was not successful, however, ending in a "Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure." This was because, in these earlier times when the nature of improbability was less well understood, it was not appreciated that any event that is infinitely improbable will, by definition, occur almost immediately.
Unfortunately, human beings are accustomed to travelling at normality (probability 1:1), and can be fairly distressed by events around them whilst the improbability drive is working: losing limbs, turning into sofas, planets spontaneously becoming fruitcakes, nuclear missiles metamorphosing into sperm whales and bowls of petunias. The starship Heart of Gold was somewhat insulated against this by having an improbability-proof drive room, allowing the pilots to remain more or less normal during the flight.
The most important side effects of infinite improbability travel were that hyperspace express routes became largely obsolete - removing the reason for which Earth was demolished in the first Hitchhiker's book - and that the History department of the University of Maximegalon finally gave up trying to figure out the universe, as completely impossible things were increasingly commonplace.
Adams developed the notion of the improbability drive having greater causal (and narrative) effects in later books. For example: when Zaphod's grandfather discusses his great-great-great-great grandson's career-to-date he explains that he (Zaphod) cannot escape his destiny now the improbability field "controls you". This could be an early nod to the reverse-temporal abilities of the guide in the last book - although this may be good luck on Adams's part.
Nutrimatic drinks Dispenser
The Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser is a product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. The Guide has this to say on the Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser:
When the 'Drink' button is pressed it makes an instant but highly detailed examination of the subject's taste buds, a spectroscopic analysis of the subject's metabolism, and then sends tiny experimental signals down the neural pathways to the taste centres of the subject's brain to see what is likely to be well received. However, no-one knows quite why it does this because it then invariably delivers a cupful of liquid that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
In The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Arthur Dent manages to freeze up a Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser (along with the rest of the spaceship they are on) by asking it to make him tea, due to the various servings of the terrible-tasting sludge he'd received from the machine during the entire trip. The Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser defined tea as "The taste of dried-up leaves boiled in water." After many hours of considerable thought with the help of Eddie it manages to produce real tea.
In the film adaptation, a machine similar to the drinks dispenser appears, serving brown sludge into a plastic cocktail glass. However, it is not mentioned by name, nor does it engage Arthur in conversation. There is also a similar machine nearby that detects and produces - according to Trillian - "what you're craving." However, this one seems to actually work properly.
Point-of-view gun
The Point-of-view gun is a device created by Douglas Adams for the movie version[3] of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; it does not appear in any of the previous versions of the story.[4]
According to the film, the gun was created by Deep Thought prior to its long pondering of the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. When used on someone, it will cause them to see things from the point of view of the person firing the gun. According to the Guide, the gun was commissioned by the Intergalactic Consortium of Angry Housewives, who were tired of ending every argument with their husbands with the phrase: "You just don't get it, do you?"
This neatly mirrors the Total Perspective Vortex, an earlier plot device from the radio series and second novel, created by the character Trin Tragula to show his wife the whole infinity of creation and herself in relation to it.
Humma Kavula wants to obtain the gun in order to expand the influence of the religion he heads. He agrees to trade it with Zaphod Beeblebrox for the coordinates to Magrathea. When the gun is discovered inside Deep Thought, it is playfully used by Ford Prefect and Zaphod on one another, and eventually taken by Trillian who uses it to force Zaphod to understand why she was upset over the destruction of Earth. (In the movie adaptation, Zaphod authorized the destruction of Earth, thinking he was simply being asked for his autograph for a fan, and was completely unaware about why Trillian was upset.) Following this, Zaphod threatens to fire the gun at Trillian, to which she replies that she is "already a woman", and therefore it will have no effect on her, since she already has point-of-view.
Near the end of the film, Marvin the Paranoid Android uses the gun to save the crew of the Heart of Gold from hundreds of Vogons. After the Vogons see things from Marvin's chronically-depressed point of view, they all collapse.
There are seven holsters for Point-of-view guns inside Deep Thought, but only one actual gun. The rest of the holsters are empty. At the end of the movie Arthur Dent possesses the gun, and Zaphod has not yet turned the gun over to Humma Kavula.
Sub-Etha
Sub-Etha is an interstellar telecommunications network used by hitchhikers to flag down passing spaceships. Sub-Etha is used throughout the Milky Way for any kind of data transmission, such as listening to the news or updating the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy itself.
Total Perspective Vortex
The Total Perspective Vortex is allegedly the most horrible torture device to which a sentient being can be subjected.
When you are put into the Vortex you are given just one momentary glimpse of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation, and somewhere in it a tiny little mark, a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot, which says, "You are here."[5]
Located on Frogstar World B, the machine was originally invented by one Trin Tragula in order to annoy his wife. Because she was forever nagging him for having no sense of proportion, he decided to invent something that would show her what having a sense of proportion really meant. Unfortunately the shock of being placed in the Vortex destroyed her brain, but Trin Tragula's grief was tempered by the knowledge that he had been right and she had been wrong. In Adams' words, the Total Perspective Vortex illustrated that "In an infinite universe, the one thing sentient life cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion."
The machine produces a virtual reality model of the entire universe by means of the axiom that any piece of matter is affected by all other matter. The Vortex reconstructs the universe through computer processing of a high-resolution scan ("extrapolated matter analysis") of a piece of fairy cake (cupcake). In the words of the Hitchhiker's Guide,
...since every piece of matter in the Universe is in someway affected by every other piece of matter in the Universe, it is in theory possible to extrapolate the whole of creation - every Galaxy, every sun, every planet, their orbits, their composition, and their economic and social history from, say, one small piece of fairy cake.
Only Zaphod Beeblebrox is reported to have survived the Vortex unscathed (and then to have eaten the small piece of fairy cake). When it showed him the "You Are Here" marker, Zaphod correctly interpreted the Vortex as simply telling him that he was the most important being in the universe. This is due to the fact that he entered the Vortex in an artificial universe, which had been specially created for his benefit (thus making him the most important being in it) by Zarniwoop. After emerging from the artificial universe's Total Perspective Vortex, Zaphod ate the piece of fairy cake, saying "If I told you how much I needed this, I wouldn't have time to eat it."
The Quintessential Phase of the BBC radio series combines the ideas behind the Total Perspective Vortex and the Guide Mark II to combine story lines from all of the radio episodes. This allows many of the plotlines from the divergent versions of the story to be wrapped up by the radio series' conclusion.
Wikkit gate
- The Wikkit Gate is not to be confused with that part of a water turbine known as the Wicket gate.
The Wikkit Gate is an artifact featured in the novel Life, the Universe and Everything.
The Wikkit Gate is a universal symbol among the diverse cultures of the Galaxy of the basic ideals of civilization. The Galactic Government therefore chose to model the key that could unlock the envelope of Slo-Time surrounding planet Krikkit after a Wikkit Gate. The gate was destroyed, then the various parts re-animated as different objects around the universe. It is composed of:
- A Steel Pillar of Strength and Power (Marvin's leg, but only after it had been replaced by a scrap metal merchant)
- A Wooden Pillar of Nature and Spirituality (the reconstituted ashes of the cricket stump that was burnt in Melbourne, Australia to signify 'the death of English cricket')
- A Perspex (Plexiglas) Pillar of Science and Reason (Argabuthon Sceptre of Justice, renamed the Plastic Pillar in the U.S. version of the books)
- A Golden Bail of Prosperity (The Heart of Gold's heart of gold – the Improbability Drive that powers the starship)
- A Silver Bail of Peace (the Rory Award For The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word "Fuck" In A Serious Screenplay, changed to "Belgium" in the U.S. version)
According to the novel, the sport of cricket as played on Earth is a tasteless reminder of the Krikkit Wars, and the cricket wicket is a highly distorted racial memory of the Wikkit Gate. The novel describes the "bit where the little red ball hits the stumps" as being particularly offensive.
See also
References
- ^ Encyclopedia Galactica
- ^ Michael Lockwood (2005). The Labyrinth of Time: introducing the universe. Oxford University Press. ISBN 0199249954.
- ^ According to Robbie Stamp, executive producer of the movie and longtime friend and colleague of Douglas Adams, the device is unique to the film: "Humma, the Point of View Gun and the "paddle slapping sequence" on Vogsphere are brand new Douglas ideas written especially for the movie by him." (Ask Slashdot, 26th April 2005).
- ^ Not to be confused with the earlier Total Perspective Vortex, or the later phrase "It can be very dangerous to see things from somebody else's point of view without the proper training." from Mostly Harmless.
- ^ Douglas Adams (1981). The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, 72.
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